The Guild of The Future

Sprout was losing. They didn’t care much, but they did wonder if it was real, although accusing Puerile of cheating was on the list of “don’ts” for the gaming console.

They egregiously crashed their kart as they were told a message to pass on.

Why is it my job? they asked their other selves. The others made it clear it was because they were in the same room as the recipient. They rolled their eyes and leaned forward.

“Your fellows wish for an audience?” Puerile asked just as they reached his ear, “Need I remind you I’ve been grounded?”

“It’s your own fault,” Alter said, “You traumatized a kid.”

“We needed it to run.”

“Non-negotiable,” Sprout said, “Unless you want me to trade places right now.”

Stéri and Alter gave looks at Puerile. The trio didn’t like interlopers on the game room, and Sprout was only allowed on condition they didn’t police anything.

As Puerile begrudgingly got up, Sprout followed, becoming more and more aware of their other selves.

They were as happy as the rest to be in the Heroes’ Guild, but they didn’t feel quite their level of dedication. It was a disturbing sensation, to suddenly flip a switch from apathy to passion. They also came to better understand why Puerile was needed so specifically, which granted Puerile the same awareness.

“Tourists!” he asked as soon as the two of them entered the briefing room. Elva and the other Tetras sat in presentation.

“I see you briefed yourself through Sprout,” Sprite said, not making eye contact as they focused on the computer in front of them.

“We could not make it more clear that they were entering nightmare territory. We would have pushed them out if it was the land shifting.”

“The land shifting is exactly the problem,” Sprite continued, “They fell into an abyss, not that we know anything else of the landscape. None of the residents of the area are willing to help them, and the other Pan aren’t willing to go in for that purpose.”

“That’s because they’re stuck there forever,” Puerile said, “Do you know how old the people who make you fall are?”

“It’s an old-ass dream,” Elva admitted.

“Exactly. They’re elders, too powerful to even think of combating them.”

“But there’s one Pan that hasn’t been asked,” Splash said, the most enticing smile on his face.

Puerile looked at all of them in the room, then sighed.

“I’ll want all four of you, along with the Fire Master, Void, Stéri, and Elva.”

“No,” Elva said.

“Nightingale then, she should be sufficient.”

“Flare?” Spark asked. Flare had come in to replace Terrestrius as the Masters’ representative, and fire didn’t mix well with fire.

“Why are you agreeing so quickly?” Sprout asked.

“Because if we don’t make it, I will get to enjoy your misery, and if I say no, you’ll ground me longer.”

Tetra all shrugged. That was the plan.

“Then lets gather,” Puerile said, “And leave.”

The first surprise was that Flare's teleportation spell landed them in a modern looking building. Apparently Puerile couldn’t physically bring them all to Unland, which he insisted was necessary.

“I think you got the wrong address,” Lillian said, before sniffing, “Wait, this doesn’t smell right.”

“This is where we had to start,” Puerile said, “They would kill us if we didn’t spend some time among the bureaucrats.”

“We’ll be right with you,” a sourceless voice said.

“I thought you said we weren’t starting in nightmare territory,” Sprout said, holding a previously absent consent form in their hand.

“There’s plenty of range between pleasant dreams and nightmares,” Puerile explained, “The feeling they cultivate here isn’t fear, it’s tedium, sometimes confusion as well.”

“Would you like to elaborate?” Flare asked.

“No,” Puerile said, “I think you’ll all understand soon enough.”

After what felt like an hour, a well dressed man, with a different leucistic pattern on his face than Puerile’s and garb that changed through different eras of formality, entered the room.

“You must be the Heroes’ Guild,” his greeting was pleasant until his gaze came to Puerile. “What are you doing here, Laran?”

“You sent me to the Guild, Chardri. You shouldn’t be surprised when they decide I’m best suited to a problem among my own kind.”

Chardri sneered before returning to the jovial facade. Sprite, Void, and Lillian shared a knowing look.

“Of course,” Chardri said, “Before we let you go, you’ll have to sign some forms.”

Sprout’s singular consent form suddenly turned into a stack, pulling them down a few inches.

“Why me?” they were definitely the strongest of the Tetra, but Void was the strongest among all of them.

“Let’s get on that,” Lillian said, following the man to where he’d directed them.

The halls seemed to go on infinitely, with repeating doors, and odd vistas through the windows. Puerile was the only one who never looked away.

“Boring as ever, Chardri,” he said, “What basement do you store all your creativity in, again?”

Luckily for everyone, Chardri didn’t seem to react.

“Not to mention paper is outdated. Most forms are kept in physical and digital formats, true, but you sign them on the tablet, then print out the recording.”

Was he seriously telling their host that his reality was outdated?

“I appreciate the information,” Chardri said through gritted teeth.

About a minute later, they finally made it to a door that Chardri opened for them to reveal an empty room with a desk.

“Only one desk?” Flare asked, “I doubt we’ll all fit.”

The desk seemed to gelatinize as it split into two that were the same size as before. Those two followed the same process, then those four copied, netting them eight desks, which added a ninth once they stared at them for too long.

“I didn’t think a desk could make me throw up,” Lillian groaned. Chardri handed her a bag.

The forms were barely readable, not that most of them were actually reading them it would seem. If they signed fast enough, maybe they could get out before it got dark. The problem was the paperwork never seemed to stop. Stéri had apologized for not contributing since the glasses Puerile insisted he wear made him blind, but it wasn’t like anyone else’s pile was getting smaller.

Spark finally gave up and burned what was in front of her, only for her stack to double in size.

“I know it’s irritating,” Sprite said, “But we don’t want to aggravate the locals.”

Puerile scoffed, catching everyone’s gaze.

“What are you planning, Laran?” Stéri asked.

“I need to be sure everyone’s on board first,” Puerile insisted, “We won’t get very far if you all need to please the locals.”

“Remind me to grab Revolve when we get back to tell us not to come in this way,” Lillian said.

“There is no other way,” he said, “And we certainly won’t survive if we start in nightmare territory.”

“Isn’t that your territory?” Flare asked.

“Not exclusively,” he corrected, “But I’m not even capable of combating everyone to keep you alive. Starting here was the safest route.”

“Ugh.” Spark laid her head on the provided desk as her work doubled again from their ashes.

“Why would you try that twice?” Void asked.

Spark just looked back at him, half her face made of flame. A puff of air blew her papers over to Sprite’s desk, with the stack never changing in density.

Everyone except Puerile stared.

“This is bullshit!” Flare’s pile burned, doubling itself again.

“If you two keep doing that, the ceiling should raise itself to fit the size of the stack,” Puerile said.

“Is it bad I want to test that?” Spark asked.

“Be my guest.”

Within two burnings they all saw the ceiling raise.

“Please tell me you have a plan to get us out of here,” Lillian begged.

“Of course,” Puerile said, “Are you all desperate?”

“Yes!”

“Not so loud.” he made a motion of reduction, then he turned his gaze to the Tetra. “Among you four, who finds this the most tolerable?”

“No!” Splash said.

“If we all go, they’ll catch us. We need someone to stay behind, and I think it should be someone easy to pull back in once we’ve done what we’ve set out to do.”

“I’ll do it,” Sprite said.

“Thank you,” Puerile said, “Please do cause trouble when you feel like it. Chardri deserves to suffer.”

“What do we do now?” Lillian asked.

“You do nothing.” Puerile cracked his knuckles, louder than should be possible, and the desks all united into Sprite’s, though the piles just stacked. “I am going to make a window before Chardri makes it through his infinite corridor.”

“Infinite?” Void asked.

“You’re welcome for making him cut it short by the way.”

A large window appeared at the edge.

“You all go first,” the non-Sprite Tetras said.

“No,” Puerile said, “None of you can fight Chardri if necessary. He’s tedious, but he’s powerful.”

“Like most bureaucrats,” Lillian said before jumping through the window.

Stéri followed after.

Void and the Tetra watched each other.

“Puerile’s afraid of me,” Void said, “Chardri might be too.”

“Not when you’re in his territory!” Puerile pushed him through the window.

The Tetra watched each other. It was dangerous to separate long-term, and who knew if Puerile wasn’t just full of shit?

“If you want to break into groups of two, that’s fine by me,” Puerile said, “But that’s as low as I’ll go for traveling companions.”

The door slammed open. Chardri looked larger than before. Puerile turned toward him.

“Running out before signing the requisite forms?” Chardri asked.

“The forms are made up!” Puerile yelled. He made a motion behind his back for the rest to leave.

Sprout jumped first, discovering that the building was taller than they thought. They held onto the ledge, letting their arm turn to ever-growing vines until they got to the ground, shaking them back to normal.

Spark just let herself fall, turning to flame at the last minute before returning to a more humanoid body.

Splash watched them for a minute, before turning to water and splashing onto the ground as well.

“Stay awhile,” Chardri said. Sprite rushed through signing more papers as the stacks increased. “I have more papers for you.”

In the corner of their eye, they could see the window shrinking.

“There wasn’t nearly this amount to remove me,” Puerile noted, and the window stayed at it’s now smaller size as he fell back. Then the window disappeared, with Sprite the only one left.

“You’ll have plenty to sign to make up for all the trouble you’ve caused.” Chardri’s eye watched Sprite through the stacks. They would have backed away, but they couldn’t move beyond grabbing a new piece of paper and signing it.

The environment changed from an old city to an older village. Puerile let out a long sigh.

“Now we’re out.”

Spark grabbed him by the collar, sparks coming off her shoulders.

“Do you know what Sprite is going through?” she asked.

“Paperwork,” Puerile said.

She tossed him to the ground, rejoining her fellows, who also showed signs of more elemental forms.

“Pull yourselves together,” Flare ordered.

“Sorry,” Splash said, “We’re missing one.” he glared at Puerile, “And you planned this, asshole.”

Puerile shrugged.

“I chose those best suited to get us out of here alive. I knew someone had to stay behind, and I assumed, again, that it would be best to choose someone we could pull back to us before we left.”

“And what if Chardri causes a stink about this?” Lillian asked.

“If he has to choose between vengeance and keeping me in a pen of heroics,” Puerile explained, “He’ll choose the latter.”

“Why don’t you get along?” Void asked.

“No one likes people outside of their territory. Consider each territory as an unequivocal ethical difference from all the rest. Keeping to ourselves when we can help it keeps us from being a self-destroying race.”

“And I thought it was just us who hated you,” Lillian said.

Stéri chuckled.

Puerile looked at each of them.

“We need to continue. We’ve spent too long here.”

As much as they wanted to argue back, they all knew Puerile was the only one who could understand the landscape.